I'm walking on the street
Looking scared and starring at my feet
I just had a conversation with myself I agreed

That if I fall I'll break my neck
And I love my neck, I won't break it
So I'll pay extra attention to what I'm stepping on

And I know that it seems weird
When I'm afraid of my own beard, that I'm
Employed at barbershop parttime, singing


Oh, my name is William Shaw
I always draw the shortest straw

I'm terrified of purple pants
And every 10 minutes I gotta wash my hands
And I'm a lonely, lonely guy

Cause when I hear good news I sigh
Don't ask me why but
I'm afraid of everything made of steel

So a gun will make me squeal
Cause if I get shot in the face that wound will never heal


When I'm watching DVD's
I get scared of everything I see
I just don't understand how pictures appear on my TV
I get frightened when I sing

And I don't like to play on my guitar
That's why I never play guitar
Because I don't

And I know that it seems strange
When I prearrange my homeless change
That I'm terrified of change, yeah


My name is William Shaw
I always draw the shortest straw

I'm terrified of purple pants
And every 10 minutes I gotta wash my hands
And I'm a lonely, lonely guy

Cause when I hear good news I sigh
Don't ask me why but
I'm afraid of everything made of steel

So a gun will make me squeal
Cause if I get shot in the face that wound will never heal


My name is William Shaw
I always draw the shortest straw
I'm terrified of purple pants

And every ten minutes I gotta wash my hands
I gotta wash my hands
I gotta wash my hands (yeah, yeah)

And when I look up at the sky
And see the stars they seem so small


Yeah, my name is William Shaw
I always draw the shortest straw
I'm terrified of purple pants

And every 10 minutes I gotta wash my hands
And I'm a lonely, lonely guy
Cause when I hear good news I sigh...

And I'm afraid of everything made of steel
So a gun will make me squeal
Cause if I get shot in the face that wound will never

Shot in the face that wound will never
Shot in the face that wound will never heal