These are the times that try men's souls. In the course of our nation's history, the frequent flyers of America have rallied bravely whenever the rights of men have been threatened. Today, a new crisis has arisen. The Transportation Security Administration better known as the TSA has attempted to burden the flying public with security procedures lasting in excess of three hours.
Citizens, hear me out! This could happen to you.
Well let me tell you of the story of a man named Dubby on a tragic and fateful day.

He drove down from the mountain to get to the airport to pass through the queues on time.
He looked forward to seeing his family on the beach at the isle of North Caroline.
Chorus: Well, did he ever fly out? No, he never flew out. His status is still in doubt! ( Poor ole' Dubby) He'll be doomed to roam 'neath the tents of Denver. He's the man who never flew out.


He got to the airport ninety minutes early for his flight out of DIA
The lines were so long and so short-staffed that he couldn't get onto that plane


Chorus:
Well, did he ever fly out? No, he never flew out. His status is still in doubt! ( Poor ole' Dubby) He'll be doomed to roam 'neath the tents of Denver. He's the man who never flew out.


So all day long Dubby sat and looked at the Demon Horse of DIA
Ev'ry few minutes his ma-ma called him so he couldn't put his phone away.


Chorus:
Well, did he ever fly out? No, he never flew out. His status is still in doubt! ( Poor ole' Dubby) He'll be doomed to roam 'neath the tents of Denver. He's the man who never flew out.


Rick hops in his car and drives to the airport to pick up his lost nephew
And through the open windows he hopes to see Dubby as the planes come rumblin' through.

Chorus:
Well, did he ever fly out? No, he never flew out. His status is still in doubt! ( Poor ole' Dubby) He'll be doomed to roam 'neath the tents of Denver. He's the man who never flew out.



Now you citizens of airways don't you think it's a scandal how the people have to wait and wait
Fight the naked X-rays, vote for Ron Paul JR! Get poor Dubby through the TSA!

Chorus:
Well, did he ever fly out? No, he never flew out. His status is still in doubt! ( Poor ole' Dubby) He'll be doomed to roam 'neath the tents of Denver. He's the man who never flew out.
The man who never flew out.

He's the man who never flew out.
Et tu, Dubby...