Oh, I like to hurt them birdies,
it's them birdies I like to hurt,
I love to hurt them birdies,

it's them birdies I just love to hurt,
I rip their little wings out
and then I grind them in the dirt.


I like to kick them puppies,
it's them puppies I like to kick,

I said I love to kick them puppies,
(Yeah, make me feel real good deep down inside),
it's them puppies I love to kick,

I grab 'em by their poop-covered mangy little tails,
and then I whop 'em round my head
Till I make 'em... sick....


Ooo, I love to watch them goldfish,
when they're wigglin' on the floor,

I said I love to watch them goldfish
when they're wigglin' and squigglin' and ba-ba-bibilin' on the floor,
But after I put their eyes out with my cigarette,

and stomp on 'em with my fist,
they ain't no fun to watch no more.


I like to roast them kitties,
it's them kitties I love to roast,
Oh, they got them big wide eyes

And they're so cute and they smell real good when I'm cookin' 'em,
it's them kitties that I love to roast,
I put 'em in a microwave oven,

turn it up to ten and watch 'em explode from the inside out,
Then I scrape all the stuff off the sides and spread it on my mama's toast.


My daddy calls me crazy!
My girl says, "Boy, you insane!",
But that's because I held a parakeet in one hand,

And in the other I held its brain!

Oh, I said I love to hurt them birdies,

it's them birdies I like to hurt,
I rip their little wings out...
And then I grind...


Oh yeah, I grind 'em, I squoosh 'em,
I stomp on them and I moosh 'em,

and I do anything to their tiny bodies
that you could possibly imagine and then some,
And I take all my dissected, inspected, injected parts and pieces

and leave 'em out in the sun in a clear container
for about five or six weeks yeah,
They start turnin' all kinds of weird iridescent colors,

moldin' on the top and oozin' out the sides,
Smellin' real good kinda like a science project that wouldn't,
And I take my obnoxious concoction,

Go walkin' down the street to my favorite all-night diner,
I see my little honey sittin' over there in the corner,
she been waitin' for me I'm shore,

she's so properly coiffed and made up
and lookin' good 'n smellin' better,
And I know she been responsible for more cases of blue balls

than the Penn Racquetball Company, yeah,
And I just walk up to her, say "Hey honey, "
She give me one a them pouty look back,

So I take my oopy goop and I plop it on her head
and watch it go down her face arms and down on the ground,
that's when I sit back and kick back and watch her turn green,

And that's why,
that's why they call me Mister Mean!