Scod
Everyone's a tosser
Everyone's a fool

Don't ever feel like you don't fit
'cause gatesy, everyone's a tool


Yon
The louder that you say you're not
The more that it's the case


Scod and yon
Just like everybody else...


Scod
... you're a real knob-face


Gatesy
(spoken) i'm a knob-face!


Scod
Take our little yonny

He's a total mong

Yon

If you think that i look interesting
I'm sorry, you'd be wrong


Gatesy
What about old scoddy?


Yon
You could write a book on him!


Scod
You could call it "knobby the knobstickle"


Gatesy
"and his knobtastic voyage"!
Everybody's a tosser

Everyone's a schmo
From robert louis stevenson


All
To edgar allen poe
We're all bloody @@#!panks!

The experts all agree

Scod

The experts, they're all tossers too

Gatesy

Just like you and me

All

(to audience member) madam, you're a knob-end
It's there for all to see


Yon
Don't try to deny it
Do you think you're better than me?


All
The louder that you say you're not

The louder that you are

Gatesy

You're a bonehead!

Yon

You're a franger!

Scod

You're a spazmo!

Gatesy

You're a shwanger!

All
You're a tosser! it's a fact you can't ignore


Gatesy
'cause everyone's a tosser!

Yon and scod
(to gatesy) but you, slightly more