I never thought it would happen
With me and the girl from Clapham
Out on a windy common

That night I ain't forgotten
When she dealt out the rations
With some or other passions

I said you are a lady
Perhaps she said I may be


We moved into a ba!@&(t
With thoughts of our engagement
We stayed in by the telly

Although the room was smelly
We spent our time just kissing
The railway arms were missing

But love had got us hooked up
And all our time it took up


I got a job with Stanley
He said I'd come in handy
And started me on Monday

So I had a bath on Sunday
I worked eleven hours
And bought the girl some flowers

She said she'd seen a doctor
And nothing now could stop her


I worked all through the winter
The weather brass and bitter
I put away a tenner

Each week to make her better
And when the time was ready
We had to sell the telly

Late evenings by the fire
With little kicks inside her


This morning at 4 : 50
I took her rather nifty
Down to an incubator

Where thirty minutes later
She gave birth to a daughter
Within a year a walker

She looked just like her mother
If there could be another


And now shes two years older
Her mothers with a soldier
She left me when my drinking

Became a proper stinging
The devil came and took me
From bar to street to bookie

No more nights by the telly
No more nights nappies smelly


Alone here in the kitchen
I feel theres something missing
I'd beg for some forgiveness

But begging's not my business
And she won't write a letter
Although I always tell her

And so its my $$#umption
I'm really up the junction