Brighten up you home, it said in the advert
All your decorating done by an expert
How the hell was I to know he's such a dirty sod

I wanted subtle shades, maybe something duller
There's paint on the chairs & the dogs a different colour
I'm the only bloke I know that does have a day-glo

scullery...

[Chorus:]

Dez the demon...never coming back, he's never coming back
ooeee
Dez the demon...never get a cheque, he'll never get a cheque

from me
Dez the demon decorator


He split a tin o'gloss coz he's a clumsy swine
"I'll paint the carpet pink, I've got no turpentine"
Pink footprints everywhere reminding me

The neighbours came for tea & they began to frown
The wallpaper was @@#!-eyed, flowers upside down
What the flippen 'ecks that decorating clown done now...

[Chorus.... Guitar Bit]

Dez the demons deed is done, my house is an eye-sore

Bumps & Lumps in the wallpaper, paint splashed on the floor
I won't be calling Dez the demon, won't be calling Dez the
demon

I won't be calling Dez the demon decorator anymore...
[Chorus]