I hit my peak of popularity back when I was in grade school
Everyone wanted to be my friend; I thought that I was so cool
Some girls in my class were always trying to spell out my last name

W-o-j-c-i-e-c-h-o-w-s-k I would hear them say

Now I was just being myself, I had my jock jams on repeat

I loved Goosebumps, origami, basketball and R&B
But now pro-wrestling is what I loved most, so did my best friend
Cooler kids than us had yo-yos and they traded Pokémen


And back in kindergarten Bobby was just a kid who ate glue
But by the 5th grade well he was that kid who everybody knew

And during recess one day he came up to me and my best friend
He said why would someone like you hang out with losers just like him?


Well I bet Bobby never makes it out of jersey
If there's a god, let her show him some mercy
Because I had not known

People could be so cruel
But I knew I never wanted to be cool


So then bobby acted like me and him were made of the same stuff
Trying to be some macho 5th grade $$# like he was tough and dangerous
When I told him to just go away, I had not realized

My best friend's face had turned a wounded red, tears dripping from his eyes

So I chased Bobby's skinny little sad and slow misshapen body

Around the recess yard like dogs chase prey; well that's how I chased Bobby
Tried to slither underneath a gap in our chain link fence
But I was fast enough to grab him by the ends of his pant legs


I pulled him back out to the playground where I lifted him right up
I power bombed him right down on the grass, his body made a thud

And so they sent me to the principal, office 223
I said I'm sorry Mr. Kelly, I don't know what came over me


He said you're lucky; I'm just givin' you a warning
Think on your wrongs kid, come and see me in the morning
And I will always recall

That afternoon at school
'Cos I learned I never wanted to be cool


And I know there will be Bobby's in this world to make me mad
But you know I didn't really hurt him, in the end is it so bad
That for a moment I just wanted to be Stone Cold Steve Austin

Piledrive him down to the ground, then throw him in a coffin

Sometimes we change so damn fast, we forget moments that defined us

All the friends we can't remember, all our past selves hide behind us
Till one day you stop to think about your life and start to wonder
When this bitter world first stung you kind of like a Stone Cold Stunner


And now I have gotten older, it has been over ten years
I am not a violent person and I don't have too many fears

But there is still not one thing I would not do for my best friends
All the Bobby's in this world will never sever me from them


'Cos I keep them close, like we're all a family
And this song might not win me any Grammys
But I still sing it proud

As an exception to the rule
I'm glad I never wanted
I never wanted

I never wanted to be cool