Too much nosh & too much booze
He spent all night in the bog with the blues
An aching head, intoxicated

He didn't even know he was constipated

He forced & he frowned, he pushed & he stained

But on the toilet seat he remained
He let out a shout as he passed out
& his gut was rearranged


No walks in the park, no drinks, no grub
He can't embark on a trip to the pub

He sits in the dark, and says don't trouble me

[Counterpiont]


[Chorus:]
No one sees he's a ruptured man

He can't sneeze like you normally can
They're all mean, they're all riff raff
He turns green when they make him laugh

Ernie had a. Ernie had a...
Hernia, a hernie
Ernie had a. Ernie had a...

Hernia, a hernie...
He had a hernia


He can't stand up, her can't lie flat
The torment in his tummy preventing that
He can't sit down, can't go anywhere

The devil in his belly proving too much to bear

He can't go out & he can't stay in

Oh what's it all about? He just can't win
No chance of a bath or to see the lavatory for him


Ernie had a...[guitar bit]

Ernie never smiles & he dare not grin

An aggravating abdomen wearing him thin
Ernie had a hernia but he did not give in
Ernia had a...

He had a hernia