Verse 1:
I go driving in the night, I've become a baby chauffeur
Been demoted from a bloke to a sleep inducing gopher

My eyes are ringed with black, their cries are getting frantic.
Life was so much simpler, when I was a new romantic,
Glancing in the rear view, I can see you start to settle,

but then you turn a purple hue & start screaming heavy metal
It's fine because I love you, and would never trade your mother
....but in future I'll be abstinent, or double up the rubber.

Where am I now? What is my name? Are these my kids? Am I insane?

Chorus 1:

Driiiive all night... It's hard this child rearing
Keep gear changes light... in a bid to calm their breathing
It's a sleep loss violation... that leads to desperation

My last hope of salvation... is this gentle car vibration

Girl 1:

He's a family man with two babies on board
His wallets had a puncture since he cut the chord
This is the least amount of sleep that he'll ever have

such is the fate of a first time dad.

Verse 2:

It can sometimes seem ironic, as I binge on radio 4
The one fun act that got me here, I don't get that anymore
I'm looking forward to the peace, when you're a little older

No more urine on my shoes, no more vomit on my shoulder
In the shower as I stand there, stare into the lather,
I'm pondering my life, will I turn into my father?

Youʼve ruined all my favourite clothes, and peed inside my bedding,
but I know Iʼll get my own back when Iʼm dancing at your wedding.
Where am I now? What is my name? Is that my face? Where is my brain?


Chorus 2:
Driiiive all night... trying to stop them bawling

These kids they rule my life... and now my wife is calling
It's a sleep loss violation... that leads to desperation
My last hope of salvation... is this gentle car vibration


Girl 2:
He's mistaken wind for contented smiles

Driving round the bend and clocking up the miles
He knows the open road like the back of hand
But his own bed at home is like the promised land

Close your eyes, Go to sleep, Please
Where am I now... what is my name What have I done? Have I gone
insane?