Keeping your head on your body
knowing the nose on your face
knowing the reasons we're naughty

shaving the lame with much haste

I dug the texture

but I didn't dig the taste
I speak the language
but I can't recall

the hand shake

Felt kinda' guilty

'cause it felt like
such a waste
don't trust a soul

when all the mustaches
are fake


Under the rocks is the water
under the ground where it's safe
under the heat where it's hotter

holding the nose in its place

Telling a taller tale

happy pulling
on the leg
whistling dixie

till the 'stache
got in the way


I bought it
last time
just to prove

it was a fad

I only bought it

this time
'cause the mustache
was rad...


Ugly like that kiss it on the lips
in the middle it sits the hair was such a hit

and with a lip this fat we can tickle all the bits
'cause with a 'stache this rad the truth is going to slip


Looking your best in the bottom
filling your pants up with beans
soaking them long like you oughta

busting apart at the seams

They blame it on us even though

it ain't our fault-ta they say they're worthy
but they're seldom worth their salt-ta
they'll only drive down if they think

they know the deal
the birds were made of plastic
but the mustache was real


Ugly like that kiss it on the lips
in the middle it sits the hair was such a hit

and with a lip this fat we can all tickle the bits
because with a 'stache this rad the truth is going to slip