I need a mother and a nurse
I need a girlfriend with a shotgun in her purse
I need a rug that doesn't stain

I need a muffler for my brain

I need Geraldo for some hope

and Oprah Winfrey's show
can teach me how to cope
I need a country that's not sick

I need emotions hard as a brick

I need a peephole in my door

I need a leader that won't sleep
with common !@^%s
I need to put my faith in God

I need a brand new fishing rod

I need a castle and a sword

or just a room inside the clinic's mental ward
I need some focus or a dream
I need to justify my inflated self esteem


I need a sink that doesn't drip
or a bag of chips that won't

explode if they are ripped
I need a personality enhancer
I need a cure for cancer


I need to stop the way I drink
I need to know that wolves

won't soon become extinct
I need a savior that forgives
I need to change the way I live


I need a freezer full of juice
I need to find a way so I don't reproduce

I need a pony and a boat
I need to think before I vote


I need the press to feed me lies
I need a pet that never dies
I knead the dough to make the bread

I kneed my dog upside the head