The first black hole, they found the first one
For the thousandth time


Chorus:

The world headlines flashed, They Discovered the First Black Hole

But the journal's fine print says that it's too early to tell

The politicians promise to flood with funding

The astronomers are hopeful, the science world is rocked
All the technology that we could be enjoying
if we tamed anti-gravity and flew in flying cars


Particle physicists complain that they were upstaged
Collisions had already unmasked black holes inside the quarks

We took some pictures of curved traces of dark matter
that decayed into glutons and warped the space around


Chorus:

The world headlines flashed, They Discovered the First Black Hole

But the journal's fine print says that the jury is still out

A group of Nobel winners claim that it's a breakthrough

They boast the findings now confirm their theories were right.
Black holes are massive stars that lost their architecture
big balls of gas that shrunk so much they lost length, width and height.


The Cambridge scholars, their French wine bottles empty,
Are brainstorming pink theories of warped space and stretched out time

The wormhole short cut can outrun any photon
Through a parallel universe if length contracts just right


Chorus:

The world headlines flashed, They Discovered the First Black Hole

But the journal's fine print says that more research must be done

NASA controllers their minds flirting with daydreams

Don't see the Sky Lab drifting off their screens and beyond Mars
"We'll build our light sails, ion engines and tethers
warp drive will be the vehicle that takes us to the stars."


Vatican bishops have gathered for a prayer
If black holes are for certain eternity is at hand,

one day we'll beatify these bold investigators
who proved black holes are works of God that Man can't understand


Chorus:

The world headlines flashed, They Discovered the First Black Hole

But the journal's fine print says further testing is required

The first black hole, they found the first one

For the aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.