Bill Jackson was a poor old dub
Who joined the Darktown Poker Club
But cursed the day he told them he would join

His money used to go like it had wings
If he yelled queens, someone had kings
And each night he would contribute all his coin

Then he said I'm gonna play 'em tight tonight
He said there'll be no bobtail flushes make me bite
'Cause when I gets in them my hands will be a peach

And he played them tight but lost his pile
And Bill got peevish after a while
So he rose, looked all around, and made this speech


He said you all see this brand new razor
I had it sharpened just today

Now I'm coming in there with my rules
That you must follow when you play
Now keep your big bony hands on the table

While you dealing, please
And don't be slippin' them aces down there
Er, in between your knees

And don't be makin' all them funny signs
Like you tryin' to tip off your hand
Just talk in American, boy, American

So's I can understand
And don't be dealin' off the bottom
Because ooh that's rough

Take five, five, then stop, that's enough
Now when you bet put up the chips
Because I don't like it when you shy

Then if you get busted go on out and get some
I'm gonna be here by and by


Pass them cards for me to shuffle
Everytime before you deals
Then if anything's wrong, I must see

'Cause I mean, you always ain't no, er
Keep playin' that game according to Mr. Hoyle
You all play this game accordin' to me


Now sittin' right there in that there clan
There chance to be a one-eyed man

And Bill kept watchin' him out the corner of his eye
When ole one-eye would deal and then
Would cost that Bill another five or ten

Bill got up again, looked all around him with a sigh
He said, Lord, this is an awful shame
He said, There someone cheatin' in this 'ere game

He said, it goes, er,
It ain't no do for me to name the guy
So I'll refrain from mentioning the party's name

If I catch him cheatin' just once again
I'm gonna take my fist and close that other eye


Now you see this brand new razor
I had it sharpened just today
I'm comin' in there with my own rules

That you must follow when you play
Hey kid, keep your hands up there
While you're givin' them out, please

Stop puttin' them wildies
Down there 'tween your knees
Stop makin' all them funny signs

Like you're tryin' to tip off your hand
Keep talkin' in American, big AAA
That's what I can understand

And don't be getting' them off the bottom
Because I keep tryin' to tell you it's rough
This an army game, five, five, halt, that's enough

Now when you bet let me see the reds and blues
'Cause I don't like it when you shy
Then if you run out of gas, go get pumped up

I'm gonna be here by and by

Pass them pasteboards for me to shuffle

Everytime before you deal, let me ripple
Anything wrong, I wanna see
I mean, you always ain't gonna keep playin' the game now
According to that Mr. Hoyle
You all gonna play this game according to me

Henry, if you break the seal on that new deck of bicycles
We'll go on from there, yeah
Yeah yeah yeah