HARRY
Steal an anthem from The Who.
LIAM

Who?
HARRY
Take Tenacious D's old concept. (Tribute)

LOUIS
Swipe a character from Cruise.
Little girls won't know the difference.

ZAYN
We can't write or dance or play or sing,
But we're pretty good at modeling.

1D
Here's a half $$# track that they slapped together.
If you just hit mute it'll sound much better.

We'd write our own songs, but we can't do better.
If we just stay cute we can sing whatever
NIALL

I could go bla bla bla
ZAYN
I can go Fart fart fart fart

ALL
We could go (GIANT BURP)
LITTLE GIRL

Oh my god I could taste it!
DIRECTOR
Don't forget do guy stuff.

NIALL
Like football?
DIRECTOR

No, Piggyback leapfrop and grabass (I'll show you)
LIAM
Help me trash this ladies' desk

SECRETARY
I just work here, wha?
ZAYN

Throwing papers is so badass.
SECRETARY
Hey why do you have to mess with me?

As if this job weren't already %#@!ty.
ALL
Cus they make us play like we are rebellious.

We can't be bossed around, at least that's what they tell us.
We're just really a bunch of polite young fellas.
If we disobey them, they're gonna geld us,

And make us go
oh oh oh
E e e

While they touch our butthoooooles
DIRECTOR
Whoooo.

LOUIS
You know you know I know I know
LIAM

Louis' finally lost it
Hee Haw, See saw, EEEEAWW
DIRECTOR

Hey let's take his wallet.
SECRETARY 2
What the F.

You little (*##$es wrecked my desk.
You better clean up this mess
Or we're gonna kick your $$#.

1D
Trying to be badass was a failed endeavor
HARRY

I bet would could take them if we worked together
1D
We're running out of words we can rhyme with ever.

KOA TEAM
This might be our last 1D Parody ever.
BIEBER

But like the great Justin Bieber said "Never say Never."
MARK
All right enough. I'm sick of this boy band crap. Cut. Do the logo thing.