A long, long time ago,
Last year in September, we had such good times in freshers' week.
But now that I'm on placement I

Feel like I just wanna die, every evening all I want to do is sleep.
Now fear of failure makes me shiver
With every depot I deliver.

I used to love to party, now I feel like an old fart(y).
I can't remember what it's like to stay up every single night,
And drink until the morning light, now I'm on placement.


(Chorus)
So I get the bus about 5

Every morning I'll be yawning, doubt if I will survive.
I've barely seen my mentor 'cause she only works nights
So she can't sign off the work that I do,

The patients here all hate me too.

Did you start your essay yet?

And have you got learning outcomes met?
And how 'bout your skills sets?
And can you name major medications,

Their side-effects and contra-indications?
I'll just check the BNF.
I'm not sure about Procyclidine,

I don't even know which hole it goes in.
Is it oral or is it !@#^?
Get it wrong and it could be fatal!

And I soon found out just what it meant when a patient's doubly incontinent;
That's when the student nurse is sent to clean up p*ss and sh*t.
So tomorrow... (chorus)


Well healthcare people speak in code
And my head feels like it might explode,

With jargon words and acronyms.
Like DV, IV, PRN,
CMHT and CPN,

The ICD, the DSM.
Now an HCP with PMS is one with whom you shouldn't mess,
So don't make her upset,

You will soon live to regret.
But my mentor says I'm not that bad,
I'm not the worst student she's had,

At this point I will just be glad to pass my placement.
So I'm singing... (Chorus)


Now for 6 weeks we've been learning fast
And before long placement will be past,
And I've read up on many things.

I've read trust policies and legal frameworks
And I've read a book about how the brain works,
But I still don't know anything.

Now I've mislaid my reflective log
And I dropped my skills sheets down the bog.
There's so much left to do

After my midpoint review.
So I'll make a thousand cups of tea,
And observe a patient get ECT,

I wish they'd prescribe some for me,
While I'm on placement... (Chorus)