I can't sleep without drugs
I toss and turn too much
Bad dreams and such disrupt my peace

So tired that I can't function
Hallucinations chanting something
Every line is louder every hour

I think they have a message
Reciting some passage
Lighting the back of my eyelids

With a match
The muscles in neck get so tense
That they crush my head and break the silence

With my own screams of agony
It happens more frequently, recently
After years of remission

Why the sudden resurrection?
My cross to bear comes from nowhere
With no warning

And it'll chase me til they're over my casket mourning
It wants to see how much I can take before I break
And take my life to end the sleepless nights

But I'm not the forfeiting type
Can't fight the enemy inside me but I can bleed the mother$#&@er out
And pass out


Carrying my cross inside me
It drives me

Heavy on my mind
Cure it all with rhymes
I'll be


As quickly as it hits me it leaves me
Euphoria beyond description

Like a !@(% prescription
I survived it again, but not without damages
Whatever it is, it'll revive and get me again

The question is when
How quickly can I mend and recover
Til I smother myself under the covers

Keep the blood flow low to my head
Explode and see red
I'm going to bed

Like a fish outta water
So helpless kinda sorta like a
Medical disorder

Middle of school in the fourth quarter they took me out on a stretcher
Popping my chest with electric shocks
To keep my heart from stop beating

Two hours later I'm alive and eating
Still breathing
Til the new pills kick in

Knock me down so bad I'd rather have it out with death and win
At least then I'd be awake enough to see what's up
When the doctor starts to pump me full of junk with IV injections

Til I'm comatose the overdose made me a ghost
I see my end


Carrying my cross inside me
It drives me
Heavy on my mind

Cure it all with rhymes
I'll be


It could be brought on by anything
Some treatments may work some of the time
Most will mask the symptoms by numbing all the senses

There is no known cure
We can only try things until we find something that works
If it gets worse, you may need daily treatments for the rest of your life

You're out of options
We see this all the time and there's really nothing we can do
It may be caused by a combination of things

We just don't know for sure