If I have a big head it's 'cause I have a big brain
My rhymes are so fine they drive minds insane
I'm Addicted to it just like Jane

I've earned the right to act like a right pain
Make a right !@&^of myself like Michael's sister Janet
My rhymes just come -- I don't even plan it

And I'm probably not the meanest MC on the planet
But I have a talent, pity some will never understand it
I ain't fake like Hugh Hefner's three bunnies

And my rhymes are sweeter than a bee's honey
Don't expect no tearjerkers -- I prefer to be funny
'Cause my depression is suppressed like the name of ****

Like Thich Quang Duc I am on fire
I play the Garageband like a mother$#&@ing riot
My flows are so dope they're making you higher

Than Katchafire at a police weed bonfire
So bear witness to the sickness of Nicholas
You're scared %#@!less 'cause my cleverness is ridiculous

If rhymes were currency I'd be rocking the rich list
So picture this, 'cause I'm predicting this:
The few music reviewers who ain't too obtuse to choose this

Gonna refrain from abusing this
You're gonna read in the music magazines
The best reviews that you've ever seen

They'll say: This %#@!'s gonna be a massive hit
Nick Mulvey's like Eminem but not so sick
Nick Mulvey's like Nicki Minaj with a dick

Like Flight of the Conchords but not so slick
With his wit, like Lil B but not %#@!
His flows got hoes jiggling all their tits to it

Wiggling all their bits to it
Emos slitting all their wrists to it
Stoners trying to listen through the mist to it

And bros just chilling getting pissed to it
And that's pretty much the gist of it
If your face disses this I'm'a stick a $#&@ing fist in it

Yeah, heaps of curses, mean as verses
He doesn't bore us with too many choruses for us
%#@!'s tight it's not porous

You'll be shaking it so hard you'll get a sore $$#
So call the hospital 'cause this $$^^*&'s ill
%#@!'s sicker than Kim Jong-il

Beats are thicker than the cast of The Hills
Rhymes flow slicker than a BP spill
Gonna be bigger than Hitler's gas bill

You'll get down quicker than Jack and Jill
Hip like cool, hop like Heather Mills
Nick Mulvey: one; everyone else: nil


Blagging and bragging about my wealth, I'm being ironical
But nek minnit, I'll be rocking a top hat and monocle

Popping it, locking it, rollin' stop and dropping it
Listen to your Poppa Nick, I'm going straight to the top with it
'Cause I am tired of copping it so I'm'a start hip-hopping it

Buying all of Scribe's awards from a pawn shop and %#@!
Cropping it, white-blocking it, writing my name on top of it
I am mother$#&@ing on mother$#&@ing top of it

My house is pristine, decorated like the Sistine
Your house is painted with %#@! from Resene
Mine's not seen, yours is obscene, it's not clean

Like my potty mouth, which spouts fire like an M16
It's sickening how listening to my stream
Of rhyming in time means you're flying 'cause my rhymes are

Sublime, see I can't speak nicely, abide
By the right Ts and Cs, thank you and please
Wigga please, bring the sleaze, this is me, it's the unauthorised

Autobiography of Nick Mulvey
I don't need a nickname, yo my name's just Nick
I might need a doc though, my flow's so sick

They say my humour is rude and crude and "too soon!"
Well I was premature so I was born too soon!
And I won't stop, I don't stop, 'cause I can't stop

I'll just keep on bangin' on like a motherbeepin' alarm clock
Taking time and making rhyme and though I'm from a young stock
I was killing illest %#@! when you were just a###drop

Next Chris Brown, a multi-platinum seller
Beating up Rihanna under her umbrella-ella
Chillin' with P-Money in a dim-lit Welly alley
After half a cask the half-castes get hella hot like Halle
Sell a swag of swagger CDs in the $#&@ing millions

Kickin' it like Veitch, lay down the beat like J. Williams
Have a clone of Michael Jackson, a black clone of that clone
Singing harmonies on the backing tracks on rap songs
Coming back and collaborating with Akon
Until they $#&@ more minors than Pike River

Like a Graham Capill level capable caregiver
And get the Jackson molestation trial put back on
'Cause they're "Bad" like a rabbi eating bacon
A rabbit needing carrot feed like crack or a snack habit fatty
Putting cake on a plate, tried to escape, put it back on

'Cause I'm the phattest, I'm the baddest, maddest rapper satirist
Taking the piss like bladder, higher than a ladder
Badder than a sadist, sadder than a Black Caps battist
Hotter than a four-door Ford with no air con
Blowing up like a terrorist in Tehran

I run, you run, we all run from Iran
$#&@ this noise, put the dub horns back on