Well, here we are, Ford Theater. (Wow!) This is pretty
awesome!
I don't know what this play is but I don't really care

because oh my word I can't believe the president is
here!
I can't see him, but I know he's sitting up there


When Harper's Weekly runs his picture,
I like to keep it, I like to tear it out

but my husband doesn't like it when I do this.
Says he only has so much patience,
and I might just wear it out


Now the play has started but my head is somewhere else.
The way he freed the slaves or something, that's so

dreamy
I wonder what his view is like from way up in that box
If I turn in my seat this way...

No, maybe this way...
He might see me


He'll be like "Who's that fetching beauty?"
and I'll wave and be like "hi"
and I'll run off with him and we'll have tons of babies

and we'll live in a log cabin and I'll stay home and
brush his hair
and my husband here can — What was that noise?


-----


He's a tyrant and a crook, if you just take a closer
look
You can see the lies just dripping from his mouth

He suffocated half the land with his long and bony hand
And he doesn't give a damn about the south


He robbed us all of house and home, and then he left us
all alone
It is obvious the deed that must be done

He can't be trusted with the power, and now the clock
has struck the hour
I act on the behalf of everyone


And I'll liberate my country
Unseat the despot, the old rule will vanish

I will turn the page of history
We'll get a new start — Sic Semper Tyrannis!
(ow, my foot)


-----


I don't like this play, all the actors stink and the
laughs are cheap
I've been out all day, I just want to eat, I just want

to sleep
It's my second term, it's a fragile peace, hope it
stays around

My resolve is firm, I have made this bed, now I must
lie down


My nation's come a long way
And today our many states may stand united
'Twas a heavy price we had to pay

And I hope our efforts don't go unrequited

Time has not been kind

We lost thousands of boys, I lost two of my own
North and south combined
In an orgy of violence like none we have known


Such a war was fought
Brothers fought against brothers on my command

But was it for naught
When the slave are all free in a more perfect land?


My first term went by so fast
And so far I'm thankful for the years I've had
The war is now in the past
And this play really isn't that bad