We've been together for so very long
But now things are changing, oh I wonder what's wrong?
Seems you don't want me around

The passion is gone and the flame's died down

I guess I lost a little bit of self-esteem

That time that you made it with the whole hockey team
You used to think I was nice
Now you tell all your friends that I'm the Antichrist


Oh, why did you disconnect the breaks on my car?
That kind of thing is hard to ignore

Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore

I knew that we were having problems when

You put those piranhas in my bathtub again
You're still the light of my life
Oh darling, I'm beggin', won't you put down that knife?


You know, I even think it's kinda cute the way
You poison my coffee just a little each day

I still remember the way that you laughed
When you pushed me down the elevator shaft


Oh, if you don't mind me asking, what's this poisonous cobra
Doing in my underwear drawer?
Sometime I get to thinking you don't love me any more


You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill
Now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will

You set my house on fire
You pulled out my chest hairs with an old pair of pliers


Oh, you think that I'm ugly and you say that I'm cheap
You shaved off my eyebrows while I was asleep
You drilled a hole in my head

Then you dumped me in a drainage ditch and left me for dead

Oh, you know this really isn't like you at all

You never acted this way before
Honey, something tells me you don't love me any more, oh no no
Got a funny feeling you don't love me anymore


[Approximately 10 minutes and 2 seconds of silence]


[Some loud and spontaneous noises]