There's a portrait of Uncle Alvarez
Hangin' in the hall
Nobody wants to look at it

But Uncle Alvarez sees us all

Oh, oh, oh, imaginary accomplishments

Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of Presidents
Better send a postcard and keep the family quiet


He's not really a part Cherokee Indian
He didn't fight in the Civil War

He's just Eugene Isaac Alvarez
We feel sorry for the wall


Oh, oh, oh, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of Presidents

You're gonna make 'em sorry when you die

And it's a long way down

You're hoping for a heart attack
Runnin' around
Investing in this and that

And your beautiful wife keeps your life on a shelf for you
Safe in the bedroom
Where there's no dust or mildew

And it's hard to believe you were once a beautiful dancer

Better just to shake it off

As you write your resume
Don't think of Uncle Alvarez
And the price he had to pay


Oh, oh, oh, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy

You might even shake the hands of Presidents
You're gonna make 'em sorry when you die


Oh, oh, oh, imaginary accomplishments
Hey, hey, hey, you visionary guy
You might even shake the hands of Presidents

Better send some money to the alma mater