Dum diti dum dang dang di dum
2 bums in an alley with a bottle of rum
1 bum said look Jack I'm the %#@!

put his knees to his ears and sucked his own dick
My mothers crazy I think she sniffs glue
she never liked me and I know that's true

Kicked me out the crib becuz I got a tattoo
No one loves me and no one cares
and all I ever get is funny stares

I can't help it if I'm nothin but a wino
so I hang at the zoo chillin with the rhinos
Stealin' bottles of booze outta A & P

I know a girl at Denny's and I always eat free
Got the same birthdate as Thomas Crapper
for Christmas I bought the old man the Clapper

I'm so dapper u can call me Dan
but they call me round eye when I'm chilin in Japan
Got a bad $$# (*##$ adn she ain't no dike

but $#&@ that ho and let me tell ya what I like
I like bean burritos from Taco Bell
I like trippin on acid with Dick Vitale

My hair ain't plastic and my clothes aren't clashin'
I write my rhymes on a schooner in a 90's fashion
Took too many many trip and now I can's stop trippin

my mellow D. killed a rat in the kitchen
U think u toke tuff I'd disagree
nobody blows more doobs than Richard D.

I get ill on hoes who I know ain't fertile
I'm a real jet setter like Cecil turtle
I'm down with Bill Bands so $#&@ Joe Glover

and while I'm at it muther $#&@ fat $$# Sally Struthers
U look fine girl kinda undercover
but I can't $#&@ ya cuz you look like my mother

I said dang digee dang di dang dang
it ain't Eric Estrada or Kool and The Gang
U know I hand in the Clem chillin on the strip

with all them mother $#&@ers who slang that %#@!
U know I'm a pimp hold my dick like a holster
u sing it "all the girls want a kid rock poster"

Lifes a big joke and that's how it strikes me
but $#&@ it cuz I know "Somebody up there likes me."
Assholes are only $$#holes, fo sho'