[skit for the first 21 seconds]

[Stu Stone:]

Hi my name is Stu, I got a problem to share
It's kind of personal you probably won't care
See - I'm in love with Oprah Winfrey and Cher

Heh, I got a doll made out of Margaret Cho's hair
Kathy Bates and Edie Falco? Now there's a pair
My psychotherapist says I should clear the air

For the average boy or girl, this might be a shocker
Judge Judy called me a celebrity stalker


[Jamie Kennedy:]
Hold up, doc~! You know I got some problems too
My brain is kinda twisted like my name was Stu the Jew

I like to watch the telly, especially late at night
My favorite show to stroke to, gotta be "Facts of Life"
$#&@ Lindsay Lohan! Give me Mindy Cohn!

And Tootie's juicy booty, now that's a blow jam
Whoa man, yo man I'ma grin and bear it
I got a website fan page for that hooker Mrs. Garrett


[Chorus: x2]
I love her, and she loves me

Why does she call police?
Stalker, I ain't no stalker, stalker


[Jamie Kennedy:]
I wanna slam Fran, hell she can be my nanny
Star Jones too huh, I'd like to hit that fanny

Marcia Marcia Marcia! You can have her, I'll take Alice
Cause she clean the room when I hit that chick from Dallas
Victoria Principal, you can call me to your office

Better make it quick cause I'll tell you "Who the Boss" is
It's Mona (MONA!) Now leave me the hell alone-ah
I'ma go to the corner, talk to Stu, I got a boner


[Stu Stone:]
Back to Stu Stoner, doc this %#@! ain't cool

I almost drowned in Delta Burke's pool
I be sittin in school, covered in drool
Dreamin of the day I can make out with Paula Abdul

"Straight up now" I told her that my love wasn't fake
She wasn't havin it, the cold-hearted snake
It ain't easy, people think I'm sleazy

I've been watchin TV Land, jerkin off to Weezie
(To Wheezie?~!) Fo' scheezy, nothin more would please me
To get Miss Cleo, down on her kneezy

I can't wait for my first date with Bonnie Raitt
Now please don't tease me


[Chorus]

Stalker! La la la la la la la

La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la


[Kennedy & Stone:]
Comin after you girl

Yeah girl we're comin straight after you
Goin through your garbage cans
Goin through your trash girl

Find a banana peel
Yeah man, even your laundry
All we wanna do is just love you

Just wanna snuggle wit'cha
Hey are your parents traffic instructors
Cause you got fine written all over you


[Chorus x2]