"The man they call the Pharoah of Filth
The man they call the Maestro of M*sturbation
The man with the stickiest handshake in Croydon this

evening...
Mr. Ivor Biggun"


"Croydon I love you. Good evening Croydon!
I'm in the mood tonight
I'm feeling ^^&$#* tonight

I'm feeling so ^^&$#* that
The crack of dawn had better watch it
That's how ^^&$#* I feel

Alright... here we go..."

Well I feel like w*nking

Feel like w*nking all the time
I said I feel like w*nking
I Feel like w*nking all the time... I do

Well I feel like w*nking
W*nking is a hobby of mine


I feel so good
I feel so fine
I've got nothing but w*nking

On my mind
Said I feel like w*nking
Feel like w*nking all the time... I do

Said I feel like w*nking
W*nking is a hobby of mine


Now cook my vegetables baby
Won't you cook 'em good 'n' cook 'em hot
Now cook my vegetables baby

Won't you cook 'em good and cook 'em hot
'Cause when I stick in my meat
I overflow the pot

Tell me, tell me

Now do you feel like w*nking

Now do you feel like w*nking
Do you feel like w*nking
Do you feel like w*nking

Well I feel like w*nking
'Cause w*nking is a hobby of mine


Now I'm a footballer baby and I'm wearing them football
boots..
Now I'm a footballer baby and I'm wearing them football

boots..
You know I stick me centre forward
And I dribble before I shoot..


chorus


I feel bad now
I'll feel better in a minute
I'll hold my hand right there

And stick my pl*nker in it
'Cause I feel like w*nking
Feel like w*nking all the time

"I'm a bit of a tosser really"
You know I feel like w*nking
W*nking is a hobby of mine