My name is CaligulaA rotten, Roman pig-ulaIf you told me a fib-ulaI'd hack your hands to stumps!One time, I killed a priestWho'd come to sacrifice a beastYou'd think it's sad that he's deceasedWe all laughed like chumps!I'm very hairy, but take noteIf you so much as whisper 'Goat!'With an iron rod you will be smokedIn a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat!I'm bad! He's bad!A shameless rotten cad!Do you still have limbs since meeting me?Then I guess you should be glad!Your nastiness was fabulousBut my name's ElagabalusAnd I was far, far worseJust listen to my verseI was quite notoriousFor catapaulting venomousSnakes at Rome's enormousCrowds, oh, how they fledIf you won a lottery prizeI'd give you these dead dogs and fliesMy house guests got a nice surpriseA lion in their bed!You'd think to children, I'd be cuterNo, I was their biggest executorUsed their guts to read the futureSays here I should get a job as a school tutor!I'm bad! He's bad!Could argue I was sad!Hated through our empireFrom Great Britain to Baghdad!Afraid your claim is bogus'Cause my name is CommodusAnd no one else could be A worse emperor than meThere never was a greaterPretend gladiatorIf the booing got too loudMade the lions fight the crowdJust one man was greaterJulius AlexanderSo I killed him, see'Cause I'm the emperor, meI'm bad! He's bad!My actions truly rad!You only got the emperor job'Cause you were chosen by your dad!To me, you all score zeroMy name is Emperor NeroEvil men you're notI'm the worstest of the lot!My rule was full of fear-oYes, men from far and near-oCalled me a fighting heroOr I would have them slayed!Changed the Olympic seasonSo the medals went to me, sonBurned Christians for no reasonJust a fun game I played, you knowPoisoned my stepbrotherOrdered men to kill my motherTried to drown her but she fledSo I had her stabbed insteadWait! There's more!With my first wife, dear OctaviaI showed truly bad behaviourChopped her head off, gave it toMy girlfriend who I then killed tooI'm bad! So baddy!Of badness, I'm the daddy!Come on, I want to seeA more evil bloke than me!You're bad! Real bad!Nothing more to add!We all thought that we were awfulBut you were really, truly mad!I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had.