Everyone thinks they know the story
Of Dick Turpin's highway glory
But my past was far more gory

I was no saint

You think life is one big antic

My profession is romantic
Hate to be pedantic
But it ain't


As a butcher down in Essex
I was handy with a knife

Had a sideline as a poacher
Led a less than honest life


The notorious gang of Gregory
Liked my style and dedication
They signed me up and gave me

A real robber's education

We rampaged through the Essex farms

We stole and robbed and fought
But when the law came for us
I escaped and they got caught


I became a highwayman
Was daylight robbery

I was no prince charming
Nothing dandy about me


The truth is, I was violent
And with my good mate, Matt King
Robbed travellers at gunpoint

Money, watches, anything!

My horse it wasn't called Black Bess

Although that's what you've read
Was no romantic hero
Shot not one but two men dead


The legend that surrounds me
Misses out the crucial part

I was a ruthless killer
With a ruthless killer's heart


Was a vicious highwayman
A source of pain and tears
When you hear how my story ends

You won't believe your ears

I ran away to Yorkshire

Changed my name to John Palmer
Was sent to prison
After stealing chickens from a farmer


Wrote a letter to my family
A plea it did relate

The postman saw the envelope
And here's the twist of fate


He had taught me how to write
So he knew I'd lied
'That's not John Palmer's hand

That's Dick Turpin's! ' he cried!

Was a vicious highwayman

My crimes had brought me fame
Was stitched up by a postie
That's not glamourous... that's lame!


No more stand and deliver
You'll remember this, I hope

It's no fun hanging with highwaymen
When you're... hanging from a rope!