[Chorus:]
Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a sailor but he's

Vlad, Vlad, Vlad the impaler
Vlad, Vlad, He could have been a
Whaler could have been a Tailor,

He turned out to be Norman Mailer
Whoaaoo
He stepped back and he smoked a joint

Twenty thousand peasants had to get the point
Mommy was a hamster,
Daddy was a jailer

Real tough childhood for such a $#&@ing failure
[chorus]
He's so glad he's Vlad

When he was a boy, they sent him to the Turks
But you know they didn't like him because all the Turks were jerks
When Vlad returned home his wrath for his ancient foe had spurned

But the ancient art of impalement was something that the boy had learned
Oh, how he learned
He learned, they burned and burned and burned

Rotisseries of corpses turned
He's so glad, oh he's so glad he's Vlad