Raise a glass of chardonnay, rejoice and relax, 'cuz Great Imitation's making rap middle class

Now if you're proud to be a dork don't throw your hands up in case you sprain something

You might prefer to just nod, along politely, because we crunk politely and we might be likely perchance,
To improve a wedding reception or Tea Dance.
When our best song's blasted over the gramophone, the once dancing crowd sits down loudly with a clunk.

This is the tao of...

Polite Crunk might be liked by types that like white-funk. Guardian subscription and get drunk, on a fruity but bold bottle of boujele a month.

Ford-Focus owners can bump this %#@! at a moderate volume while picking up their kids.
This is for all dorks of all ages, misanthropic internet kids whose best friends are vvirtual strangers.
Comb over blokes who by buying this are indicating an impending, devestating midlife crisis.

Now ladies, if your lack of self esteem seems to allows you to see through the fat, sweating and swearing act to become attracted,
Please remember this, we won't touch you because we're in long term relationships.
That second best song comes on hospital radio, terminal patients give up.

This is the Tao of Polite Crunk

Raise a glass of chardonnay, rejoice and relax, 'cuz Great Imitation's making rap middle class


We think that urban act's apparel is absolutely outrageous, they look like they're brain damaged, we dress like estate agents.
Clothes so tight, pinstripes and bow-ties.

Most promoters are surprised when we bowl through the doors at venues.
Wondering whether they've accidentally defected on rent and we're here to deliver the news,
That a foreclosure notice has been presented on the tenancy.

Now when we've explained the mistake the fact that we've actually brought musical instruments as opposed to a stack of legal documents.
Their relief at a lack of legal action is as apparent, as their disappointment and distraction
That the camp bloke in a bow-tie thinks he's actually a rapper.

That third best song goes on to disappointment.
This is the Tao of...


Polite Crunk is... celebrating success with an earl Grey and an early night
Polite Crunk is... hiding in the toilets at the very mention of a fight
Polite Crunk is... a rigorous post-gig skin care routine

Polite Crunk is... best appreciated if you have a degree

If you feel that this farce has reached it's limitation, when I say Great, you say Imitation