I don't want children, i belch with gusto
I watch the cricket and i understand the off-side rule
When there's a toilet around

I just piss on the ground 'cause i can
So let's face up to the facts
I'd be happier if i were a man


Now don't misjudge me, i like to be she
But sometimes i feel something is missing

The $%&^x are working out fine
Though the general shape would not be my pick
So i think i'll trade in the tubes

For an a-grade, highly-engineered prick

^&@#$ envy, $%&^xx envy

Well, i know you people feel the same way as me
So with one hand on your heart
And the other 'round your part

You know you're never alone
When you're a $%&^xx with a bone


Virginia woolf espoused
One's underwear should house
A flesh extension of one's very own

So i'll enlist the surgeon's pen
For that curled-up little friend
With urethra down the middle

And pre-cum on the end

From $%&^x receptacle

To side-show spectacle
A scintillating socialite with stick-on !@*^s
I'm glad of my womanhood

But it'd be nice if i could
Display a hard-on, crack a fat and show off stiffies and wood
Yes, it's the ultimate joy

To be a ready-made-for-fun lady-boy

^&@#$ envy, $%&^xx envy

And no, it's not because that !@$( ever left me
But i know he'll get in a tizz
When mine's bigger than his

I'm tired of being alone
This $%&^xx needs a bone


I'm still an onanist
With extra strain on wrist
No longer vulvic tabernacle

I'll be a foxy chick with tackle
I'll give girl power rants
With a bulge in my pants

Although my ceiling is still made of glass
But it'll all be worthwhile if i get to $%&^x a man in the arse


I'd introduce my ex
To unlubricated !@#^ sex
And the flipside of cobraphilic sodomy

Then maybe we'd take it upstairs
See how his gag reflex fares
Against the recommended daily dose of vitamin e


Don't call it bitterness
It's a legit request

To be a well-endowed girl in every lingerie respect
I'd never abuse my rod
For an illegal prod

But i will probe with every digit, gland or organ i've got

Wait...


That sounds pretty much the way i am right now
Without the complicated surgery or livestock hormonal injections three times a week

And you know, my clothes are tight enough without a bump in the front
I think i'll stay as i am
It took eleven years to break in this cunt


^&@#$ envy, $%&^xx envy
Well, it's an overrated part of the anatomy
So come on, you don't need a graft
To get your hands on a shaft

There's plenty of fish in the sea
Although most of the $#&@ers aren't free
I guess it's back to the strap on for me
And my $%&^xx envy