[Jay Anderson string bass
Chad Wackerman drums]


Harry:
(to THING-FISH)


Anything you say, master! Take me, I'm yours!

Rhonda:

(Broadway-style fake singing)

Jingle bells, Jingle bells,

Jingle all the way!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every day, oh . . .


Thing-Fish:


Oooh, lawd! Lookit you, boy! Chain thoo de nipples 'n evvy goddam thing! You a
sick white mutha$#&@er, ain'tcha?


Rhonda:

Bells on bob-tail ring,

Making spirits bright!
Oh, what fun it is to ride
To Chicago every night, oh . . .


Harry:


For Chrissake, RHONDA! Have you no SHAME?

Thing-Fish:


Y'all make up y'mind yet, 'bouts de MAMMY o' yo' dreams?


Harry:

You bet! I've waited ALL MY LIFE for this moment! My heart is fluttering! If

only I could submit myself on approval, for a limited time only . . . to . . .
to that nasty little rubber MAMMY on your knee . . .


Thing-Fish:

SISTER OB'DEWLLA 'X'? De mys'try SISTER? Y'all wants t'party hearty with de

min'yature rubber MAMMY wit de string out de back? Yow! Dintcha get 'nuff 'buse
fum de other (*##$ when y'was livin' in de card-bo'd hut?


Rhonda:

HARRY . . . HARRY . . . hey! HARRY! $#&@ing wor-r-r-mmmmmmmmmm! I want a

DIVORCE, HARRY!

Harry:


Not now, dearest, PLEASE! This is serious! Little MAMMY, what'll it be? Hips or
lips?


Rhonda:


You're a wor-r-r-r-mmmmmmm! A $#&@ing WOR-R-R-R-M-M-M-M-MMMMMMMMMMM! These are
my TITS, HARRY! I have TITS! Look! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT MY WONDERFUL TITS, YOU
!#@*ING WOR-R-R-R-R-MMMMMMMM! I'm going to pretend I'm SQUIRTING THEM ON YOU!

Whoo! Wheeeee! ALMOST GOTCHA!

Harry:


Not now, RHONDA! Ow! Oof! Oh, I love this! Hurt me! Hurt me! Oh, pull my chain,
you tiny potato-headed whatchamacallit!


Rhonda:


They're almost squirting, HARRY! Look! Look! Whoooooo! Whooooo! Whoooo! You
$#&@ing worm!


Thing-Fish:

OB'DEWLLA! Is y'awright? Don't be pullin' de boy's chain too hard dere! He gots
'nuthuh show t'do t'morrow! Don't put dat in yo' MOUF, girl! I knows y'cain hep
y'seff wit dat crazy mutha$#&@er 'busin' you like dat, but jes' hang on a lil'

longuh . . . he be droppin' de wad putty soon now!

Rhonda:
(pinching her nipples, jiggling her tits)


Jingle bells, jingle bells . . .

Harry:

Oh! This is divine!


Rhonda:

This is my !#$), HARRY! Look! See it? You know what I'm gonna do with it, you
worm? I'm gonna make it !#@* SOMETHING! That's right! You won't get any of it .

. . because you're DISGUSTING! An' I don't need you, MR. FIRST-NIGHTER! My
wonderful, wonderful #~!!@ doesn't need you! I have my BRIEFCASE, HARRY! I'm
going to !#@* MY BRIEFCASE! I'm going to . . . look! Look at this! I got it
right over here! There! See it? My BIG, BROWN, BRIEFCASE! MY BRIEFCASE! It's
BIG, HARRY! It's full of BUSINESS PAPERS . . . from MY CAREER!


I'm gonna put my GLASSES ON, HARRY! I'm gonna put my hair up in a BUN! Then, I'm
going !#@* !#@* !#@*! Ha-ha-ha-hahhhhh! Look! See me? See how I got my hair up?
Whooo! I'm REALLY DOING IT! Unngh! Unngh!

Harry:

RHONDA . . . have you no SHAME! Keep the briefcase closed, for chrissake! All

your documents are falling out!

Rhonda:
(as over-sized file folders emerge)

Unngh! I'm GOOD! Oh God I'm good! Harder! Faster! Unngh! Unngh! This is
TERRIFIC! Boy, I need it so bad . . .


Harry:

Those are the Warner Brothers files, aren't they dear? Don't you think there'll
be some questions about the condition of the blue paper?

Thing-Fish:


Girl! Bes' be careful wit de latch!

Rhonda:
(with the handle in her mouth, semi-intelligible)

I'm sucking the handle now, HARRY! Look! Mmmmmm! It tastes GOOD! Mmmmmm! Mmmmmm!

The handle! The handle!

Harry:

Hurt me, OB'DEWLLA! Make me whimper and beg for your tiny rubber love!

Rhonda:


I've got a fountain pen, HARRY! I've got a fountain pen with MY INITIALS on it!
I'm putting it in my mouth, HARRY! I'm gonna get it wet! I'm gonna stuff it up
my $$#hole and ride the briefcase again, you disgusting perverted !@$( worm!
I'm gonna do it! Look, HARRY! Whooo! Unngh! Unngh! God-damit, HARRY! Watch me!
This is for your own good!