[Stewie:] Now everybody gather 'round and listen if you would
When I tell you every person needs a way of feelin' good
Every kitty needs a ball of string and every dog a stick


[Brian & Stewie:] But all you need is a bag of weed to really get a kick!


[All:] One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed

it's the only hope that you ever need
Cause everything is better with a bag of weed


[Stewie:] There you go, you're all gettin' it now

[All:] When Texas people wanna feel good


[Stewie:] They go $$#ault a queer


[All:] When stupid people need a thrill

[Stewie:] They rent the Rocketeer


[All:] When Michael Jackson needs a rush


[Stewie:] He humps a guy like me

[All:] Right!

But all we need is a bag of weed to keep us worry-free
One, two, three, oh!
A bag of weed, a bag of weed

Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
You don't need meth and you don't need speed
Cause everything is better with a bag of weed


[Stewie:] Have a go, Brian!


[Brian:] As Mr. H. L. Mencken said: 'The common man's a fool'

[Stewie:] And just like Helen Keller said: "Doo pfuu dee peepoo foo'


[Brian:] But try to use your heads and don't buy into all the fear


[All:] Hey!
Cause all we need is bag of weed to make as wanna cheer
And one, two

A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
You can try to fight but we're all agreed

Cause everything is better with a bag of weed
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight
One, two, three, four, and five, and six, and seven, oh!

A bag of weed, a bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed
[laughter]

you're a happy guy, but you can't proceed
Because everything is better with bag of weed
Oh, everything is better with a bag of weed!!!!