Well we're sitting here in Allentown,
And he's driven our lives into the ground,
When we woke up we were wasted and drunk,

Phil got shot,
We got beaten by a monk,
I was happy and my life was good,

Getting married like a dentist should,
Roasting marshmallows on a stick,
I got $#&@ed in the $$#,

By a chick with a dick,
(Alan: I remember that...)


And we're sitting here in Allentown,
But they're taking Teddy's finger now,
And I'm pretty sure I'm gonna loose my %#@!,

And shoot Alan in the face,
... then shoot myself