[Verse 1: Earl]
Welcome to my home, the place that I hate
The place that I love, the Planet of the Apes

The place that I loathe, the boy minus father
Equals boy minus heart, always testing mama
Mic sessions thrash, life lessons trashed

Nights get cold as the knife that I grab
Zoom to your wife room take her life with a stab
Sure her $$# look nice, but nicer in a bag

And slung over shoulder, village slum soldier
Bayonet bloods when my cup runneth over
With sith lord dark side of the force

In the trunk of a Porsche tryna butt $#&@ Yoda
Shotgun, drop T, Earl flow shogun
Jabbing with a pen while you !@$)gots getting toes done

Hold up, I was four going on grown up
So before you ^!$$%s tell me I'm nuts, you better grow some, !@$)got


[Hook:]
$#&@ this Christmas
$#&@ this Christmas (^!$$% $#&@ Santa Claus)

$#&@ this Christmas
Ain't nothing for you (Ain't no gift for you)


[Verse 2: Tyler]
Crazy motha$#&@as in the North Pole causing ruckus
And the punk nut-crackers couldn't cuff us, how I $#&@ her

It was quiet how I stepped in, I crept in with my @@#! out
Now she's having make-out sessions with my weapons
Drunk a fifth of eggnog, stole Santa's reindeer

Joy-rode the North Pole, steering is a (*##$ so
I hopped out and ask some Jasper elves for some info
Where I can burn some Christmas trees with large amounts of thick snow

I've been acting naughty problem child in attendance
John Ritter said he taught me how to motha$#&@ a Christmas
Dismissing all the wanting and the presents are forsaken

See if you're the gift from God then I'm the Christmas wrap from Satan

[Hook]


[Outro: Hodgy]
You, (*##$ you can't get nothing

No more, no more presents, no more cranberry sauce
(*##$ you can't get nothing no more
No more fleeces for your caprices and %#@!

(*##$ give me my motha$#&@in' presents back, ain't none for you
Alright for real, you gon' have to give me my $#&@ing presents back
Cause those are for my grandma, yeah that thong, that was for my grandma

Give me my presents back, give me my gifts