I used to be such a happy guy
The things were good between my wife and I
But now I just hang my head in shame

Since the day, that I found,
The thing that turned my world upside down
Now I'll never be the same


Chorus:
Since I found my wife's vibrator

Something I couldn't saw
(My wife's vibrator)
A perfect replica of a @@#!

(My wife's vibrator)
It was so big and fat
How the hell can I compete with that?

My wife's vibrator

I pick'd it up, and weight a ton

To four "D" batteries to make it run
And the writing on the side said it's name was "slim"
Is this what it takes to feel alive?

Three $#&@ing gears and an overdrive
When I turned it on all the lights went dim


When I found my wife's vibrator
What is this all about?
(My wife's vibrator)

The thing will knock her feelings out
(My wife's vibrator)
Don't you there laugh

I swear to God it's gonna split her in half
My wife's vibrator


She came home earlier than planned
With me holding @@#!zilla in my hand
And I just stood there in a trance

She said "Well, now that you know,
is there any chance you wanna give it a go?"
I fell to the floor and I pissed my pants


When I found my wife's vibrator
I think ... [part missed]

My wife's vibrator
There's no way you can make it fit
My wife's vibrator

Who did they model it on?
That mother$#&@er's got one hell of a schlong
My wife's vibrator

I found my wife's vibrator
Yes I found my wife's vibrator.