First day, second grade, September
In the schoolyard, I remember
Coming off a first-grade nun

Who'd have given Stalin quite a run
The new nun we'd heard had transferred in
Had maimed a kid in Maryland

The bell rang, and our Pavlov minds
Made pristine single-gender lines


When she came out, my heart went wild
I swear to God, I thought she smiled
And Ellen said, 'it's just a trap

She'll hit the kid that smiles back'
She led us to our Pine-Solled class
And three kids up, I heard a gasp

The desks were put in sets of twos
A sight unseen in Catholic schools
She took out her guitar and led us in some !@^(baya

And then another song about world peace
She said by some guy called John Lennon


And, oh, thus begun the sweetest year I know
Of bliss and beauty
Laughter allowed in the air

Thirty eight-year-olds
And the coolest nun on the whole darn planet
Angel dressed in polyester navy-blue

Sister Catherine Claire

Her candy jar was always stocked

Her holy card collection rocked
She had the really gory ones
LIke Vincent lanced and Steven stoned

The eighth-grade boys were so in awe
When she beat each one in basketball
And that spring, to Father Joe's elation

Sixteen boys claimed the vocation
She read us tales of Narnia
And saved us from the Reverend Mother

And when our turn came to plan the Mass
She taught us to rock 'n' roll our Father


And, oh, what a year
The sweetest year I know of bliss and beauty
Laughter allowed in the air

And if Jesus had come back then
Well, his bachelor days would've sure been numbered
Cause he'd fall in love just like us all

With Sister Catherine Claire

Even such love couldn't cure

The hell they drew in Baltimore
It got too much, I fell away
My mom says I'll return some day

Perhaps these wounds will be healed yet
With Catherines and Bernadettes
And Brother Marks and those hell-bent

On teaching what real Good News meant
And prodigal as I might be
I'll come back to the banquet when

The white smoke rises over Rome
And they declare Pope Catherine


And oh, what a day
The sweetest day I'll know of bliss and beauty
Laughter allowed in the air

And if heaven holds a candle to that class
Well, sign me up
Cause I know who I'll be seeing there

Sister Catherine Claire
Oh, oh, oh... oh, oh... oh.... oh...