Ho Ho Ho Ho!

There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree

Gussied up candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
It's Merry Christmas seeping through my walls

Now I'm no wiccan commie or nothing
But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween or Thanksgiving or even April Fools

But it'll surely make a fool out of every man
HA


If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah

And all you mother$#&@ers go to hell
If I ain't @@#!eyed then it Kwanzaa
Joy to the world and jack and !@%!e

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
Cause I never anything but broke


Now every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of Eggnog makes me vomit

And those colored lights are $#&@ing infantile
I think we collectively as the people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise

And tell the world:
?Let's buy some piece and quiet for a change?
Before we spend it all on $#&@ing toys.

HA

So if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered it ain't Hanukkah
Fa la la la la go $#&@ yourself!

If I ain't @@#!eyed it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas

So leave this god damn scrooge the $#&@ alone.
HA


MERRY !#@*ING CHRISTMAS!