Well I'm the soul-man at the microphone stand-
You're a 50 cent $#&@er I'm a million dollar man-
And rippin' up %#@! is the god damn plan-

Don't need no $#&@in' muscles or a coppertone tan-
I'm a skinny little $#&@er from the street-
With some rhymes in my mind to make this rap complete-

I never get tired - I'm retired-
I've never been hired so I can never get fired-
I don't have a diploma or a GED-

But you don't need a degree to be on MTV-
WOO HAW - hit me with my payrole check-
It's all about money so $#&@ respect-

Say I'm sellin out - well I'm sold-
I'm gonna be rich when I'm old like mold-
Milldewin' - so you can say I'm screwin' - the pooch-

When I'm hittin' the hootch - while I'm poppin' the kootch-
Booty shakin' with your girl on slow jams-
Your name Michael Jackson - nah - Soulman-

So my life sucks, but yours does too-
Cuz your mommas fat and ugly, and so are you-
Sorry to burst bubble-

Hope I caused ya trouble-
But you're startin to look like Barney the $#&@in Rubble-
No harsh feelings, someone had to tell ya-

Just don't come close so I won't have to smell ya.
Pick it up, put it down-
Lay it on the ground-

Like Lionel Kiddie City, turn your frown upside down-
Just like an ear test, listen for the sounds-
Cuz like a fudge maker, I cut it by the pound-

And you know I'm not a clown-
So I don't $#&@ around-
I just hit on your mamma cuz her botty's nice and round-

I don't give a %#@! if she weighs 400 pounds-
As long as she's got meat, I'll eat it all year round-
Her lovin might be crappy-

But she'll never ever slap me-
Cuz I'm the only man that'll try to make her happy-
So back off son or I'll bite ya like Tyson-

I'm not Puerto Rican, so I wont like the rice 'n'-
BEANS, BEANS, they're good for your heart-
You know the more you eat 'em, you know the more you fart-

I eat 'em all day long so stay away from my $$#-
Don't follow to closely and don't light a $#&@ing match-
Cuz one little spark and -BOOM- explode-

Like the Power Rangers, I'll be in turbo-
Well now you now you know my life and how it sucks to be me-
But I'm comfy this way like a pair of cord jeans-