The books you think I wrote are way too thick
Who needs a thousand metaphors to figure out you shouldn't be a dick?
And I don't watch you when you sleep

Surprisingly I don't use my omnipotence to be a $#&@ing creep!

You're not going to Heaven

Why the $#&@ would you think I'd ever kick it with you?
None of you are going to Heaven
There's a trillion aliens cooler than you!


You shouldn't abstain from rape just because you think that I want you to
You shouldn't rape because rape is a $#&@ed up thing to do

I don't think masturbation is obscene
It's absolutely natural and the weirdest $#&@ing thing I've ever seen
You make my job a living Hell

I sent gays to fix overpopulation
Boy did that go well


You're not going to Heaven
Eat a thousand crackers, sing a million hymns
None of you are going to Heaven

You're not my children
You're a bad game of Sims!


You shouldn't abstain from pork just because you think that I want you to
You can eat pork because why the $#&@ would I give a %#@!


You argue and you bicker and you fight
Atheists and Catholics, Jews and Hindus argue day and night,
Over what they think is true,

But no one entertains the thought that maybe God does not believe in you

You pray so badly for Heaven,

Knowing any day might be the day that you die,
But maybe life on Earth could be Heaven
Doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?


My love's the type of thing that you have to earn
And when you earn it, you won't need it

I'm not going to give you love just because I know that you want me to
If want you want love then the love is going to come from you