(This is a song about how sad I am
Just picture a depressed onion cutting himself.)


I met a homeless man named Rich (he wasn't)
Isn't that terrible
I saw a flyer for a lost dog and the dog didn't have any legs

I saw a diabetic kid trick or treating
I saw a woman who had twelve miscarriages buy a carton of eggs
I saw a giraffe who had no neck. That was sad, or a deer


I saw an old man get hit by a train
He didn't see it in the pouring rain

He didn't hear me shout "look out for the train"
Cause i didn't say anything
(I just thought to myself oh this is gonna be sad. And it was. I'm a genius.)


I saw a man with only one eye in a 3d movie
I saw a little boy drop his ice cream cone directly on his mother's corpse

I saw a kitten stuck in a tree then the kitten jumped and he hung himself
I saw a kid with red hair


I went to a store looking for something to buy
But they only sold paintings of the same sad guy
No wait this store sells mirrors

See what I did there?

Let's Rock

No

The world's so $#&@ing sad bro

Pain, starvation, Aids
But i gotta remember there are good things about it too
Like the fact that none of that is happening to me (Score!)

Still though it's hard not to be sad about it
How do y'all do it?
I've been telling you terribly sad things this whole song you haven't been sad at all

YouÂ''ve been happy, no, you've been laughing
ThatÂ's it, laughter, itÂ's the key to everything
ItÂ's the way to solve all the sadness in the world

I mean, not for people who are actually sad, but for the people like us whoÂ' have to $#&@ing deal with Â'them all the time
Being a comedian isnÂ't being an insensitive prick capitalizing on the most animalistic impulses of the public, itÂ's being a hero!
The world isnÂ't sad. The worldÂ's funny! I get it now! I'm a sociopath!

I saw an old man slip and fall; what a $#&@ing idiot
I saw a woman at her daughterÂ's funeral
Hahaha! Classic comedy!

Everything that once was sad is somehow funny now
The Holocaust and 9/11?
That %#@!Â's funny 24/7 cause tragedy will be exclusively joked about, because my empathy is bumming me out

Goodbye sadness!
Hello jokes