There was an idea to describe in all detail but
maybe the huge pain juggernaut overwhelmed me
There is no room for a single word unrelated lest to betray the situation which

is
that of absolute seriously complete whole consumption of us both
I'm sure us both

I guess, as per the situation I can only, if ever, in fairness speak for myself
again
I gave up my eligibility to ever speak on your behalf

until someday that, I don't know if it will ever happen,
(oh my god)
Sadness worse than the loss of a loved one's life

versus the impending loss of love
Is it quantifiable?
Is one worse?

Can I really remember?
I think I try to block out and forget experiences so I forget; blocking out to
get through it and survive.

Do you block it out?
But if you can remember, can you remember horrible sadness in your whole body?
No ease and horrible sadness in your $#&@ing body and your bones

and stomach that takes over your whole body, becomes your $#&@ed up stomach
takes over your bones
and you are on the floor sobbing, wait, you are still driving home sobbing, then

on the couch sobbing before the words start
like, you start talking before that, and you're just saying to yourself.
"I can't believe this is actually happening"

"I can't believe this is--I cannot believe this is actually happening"
"I can't believe this is actually happening"
Then soon you're on the floor sobbing, being screamed at,

To just "$#&@ you and then get out"
But you're too weak from dreading and trying to prepare for this instead of
sleeping or living.

And you know that if you walk out this door you can't make it anywhere and you
will absolutely crash your car into a tree or car or bus or cop car
You cannot get anywhere from smashed on the floor.

What is the saddest thing I can say?
Words aren't sad enough; music isn't sad enough,
how could it bear to be? It doesn't need to be, because life is there to do it

for real.
And there is no need to even complete a thought because the situation is so
whole and complete itself.

And what the $#&@ do you think?
What did you then, other than that you didn't know what to do and that your
pride was hurt?

What the $#&@ did you think then about everything?
We couldn't talk before but at least then I could try to read you.
But now there's nothing, complete nothing but rumors and hearsay and the small

kernels that can be gleaned from $#&@ing whatever, asking qu--augghhhh...
And that manifests into a nervous work in present, like,
how about you get your own shelves for your own house and I'll get mine and I

won't come to your dinner party; I'll buy my shelves during your dinner party
Down the street so I know you won't be there, buying shelves.
Actually, I will try but they'll be closed.

And why am I saying th--Why shouldn't I be saying this now?
I have not a doubt in my head that you're making like, eight shows about this.
And you should be, we both should.

And today--what's today, I don't know what you think--I have no idea what the
$#&@, I haven't talked to you in, like, forever--I have no idea what you think
about me

What am I doing? Do I--do you care? Do I care if you care?
Why do I? Why would you?
I think maybe to be fair I'm pissed just to feel this way.

And why even talk about this, why would you say a word?
'Cos catharsis is real, catharsis is real, catharsis is--catharsis is real.
Let go, Jesus Christ, let go, please be on your way.

But I really actually just have a hope for you and for me to be well on our owns
and thrive
I don't want the wors--I want the best for both of us

I want the best for you and for me.
I want the best for you and for me