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BARELY POLITICAL lyrics : "Call me maybe"

We met last night at the club
You told me you were in love
Came home and smushed in the tub

And now you're in my yard
Woke up and saw you were gone
Your running across my lawn

without your pants or shoes on
Here comes my St. Bernard
Vodka was flowin'

Butt cleavage was showin'
Your mind I was blowin'
Man we were so freaking wasted

Tag, you're my boyfriend. My name is Carly
But all my doctors, just call me "crazy"
I made you poptarts with extra gravy

But I'm a call girl, you have to pay me!
Psych, I'm just kidding. Aren't I crazy
Let's watch 12 hours of Chelsea Lately

And all the other boys try to taaaaaze me
The doors are locked now. You can't escape me.
C'mon lets do sex again

I want to be more than friends
Look how far my legs can bend
DOUG

I'm sorry I can't stay
Look I don't mean to be rude
But, I don't think that we screwed

CARLY
I've got the pictures to prove it
Hey don't look away

You're my one and only
That's what my dog told me
But, don't think you own me

Now lets sacrifice some chickens
I've got some hand cuffs
Feel free to spank me

But here's the safe word
It's "call me maybe"
CARLY

Hey, this is my band, they seem to haaaate me
DOUG
They don't look like they're really playing

CARLY
Crap that's my husband he's in the navy
He's gonna to kill you. He's also crazy.

HUSBAND
I'm gonna kill you cus that's my "laaaady"
What's going on here?

CARLY
He tried to rape me
HUSBAND

When people try to rape "my wife" it makes me so mad.
It makes me feel bad
I'm gonna kick your $$#

Come to think of it my wife is just guy in drag I need
a real man
So call me maybe

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