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ANGEL HAZE : Cleaning Out My Closet lyrics

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z #

ANGEL HAZE lyrics : "Cleaning Out My Closet"

Now, this might get a little personal
Or a lot actually

Parental discretion is advised


When I was ten, %#@!, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my $#&@ing arms and try to meet with the sky
And in my mind I'd envision that I was speaking with god

And then I'd chop his $#&@ing fist off and beat him with mine
But this is just a $#&@ing portion of the war with my mind
So I'mma take you $#&@ers back and through the vortex of time

When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid

And he wasn't the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the ba!@&(t and after the lights had been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his @@#! through my gut

See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times

And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin'
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the %#@!

And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and %#@!
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend what he do
And they hate it up, %#@! I was like a buffet for two

And then it happened in a home where every $#&@ing one knew
And they ain't do %#@! but $#&@ing blame it on youth

I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but even you, by then wouldn't know what to do

And now it happened so often that he was getting particular

And I'm more scared every time -- my speed and ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs

He told me: "Hey --, I see you like them popsicle sticks so put your mouth on my deck and $#&@ing swallow the spit"
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
I had no the effect it would have on my head

My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing### in your underwear
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt

Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts

I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these ^!$$%s

Wanted to take a $#&@ing brick and push they teeth through they liver
Wanted to smash the $#&@ing world and burn its leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just $#&@ing step on my heart

Then I grew up and I wasn't within the reach of these men
But that didn't keep me out the mother$#&@ing reach of my sin

And psychologically I was just as $#&@ed as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn't $#&@ed from the jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself

I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was
So I'd create the other people I would try to become

Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, $#&@ed up my bodily health

I didn't wanna be attracted to nobody else
I didn't want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there's a $#&@ing reason behind every scar that I show

I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that's as far as I know

My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
I'm not deranged anymore, I'm not the same anymore

I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before
I had to deal with my %#@!, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you've got to look at your root

I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I'm just standing living breathing proof look at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown

I'm $#&@ing great can't $#&@ing hate you ^!$$% look at me now

Now I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I can

Because it makes your story better when you read at the end

Yeah, there's a story behind every single scar that I show
I made it out, this a me nobody's gotten before

I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

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