COOK (OFF SCREEN): Hey there, Apple fans.
COOK: I know how much you all enjoyed Steve's rap last time, so I've got a special guest for you...
CROWD: "JOBS! JOBS! JOBS! JOBS!"

COOK: MC Cook!
COOK: Geoffrey, drop the . . . BEAT!
COOK:

Hey there Apple fans, it's your main man Cook!
Saying rhymes, um, on time, errr, books . . .
COOK: What the hay-fever?!

COOK: Oh sass-parilla, here we go again.
JOBS:
I'm back! I'm back!

I'm b-b-b-b-b-b-b-back (*##$es!
(again) Stealin' the show
Sold a hundred trillion phones with my hustle-and-flow

I'm a stoner cuz I rock -- I love cheeba the most
I'd be the dopest man alive if I wasn't a ghost! (boo!)
Now let me take you back to two-thousand-and-nine

When the famous iPad was just a glint in my eye
We had the iPhone (check), we had the macbook
"But I wonder what's in between?" I said to Cook.

We brought the phone into photoshop, free transform
Add a chunky-ass border and the pad was born
And just like that - we changed up the game

Watching Epic Meal Time would never be the same
Now I'm comin' on back to Earth to give birth
to a tiny iPad, and explode my net worth


CHORUS (x2)
You just bought our gadgets- buy some more

You're already hangin' out at the store
Pull out your quarters, nickels, and dimes
And get your gadget-lovin' $$# to the back of the line


I know you're droolin, but it's worth the wait --
Our most innovative innovation to date!

COOK: What?! Where's the iPad mini?
JOBS: Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon.com!
BEZOS (spoken): You know, Steve, I won't go so far as to call you a liar...but I liked the mini a lot more when it was called the Kindle Fire!

JOBS:
What's the matter, bro? U mad?
Cause your Fire can't hold a flame to the iPad?

If you coming at me -- don't even try it
Cause I'll shut you down faster than a Foxconn riot
BEZOS:

Hello Steve? It's reality callin.
Your marketing plan's crash landed, disbanded, and now its beach ballin!
You're clutching at straws - it's really sad

You're reminiscin' of Rick Moranis in "Honey I Shrunk the iPad"
JOBS:
Congrats on makin' tracks and givin' sales tax the axe

So you could relax, while peddlin' raggedy, used paperbacks!
BEZOS:
(laughs) You're right Steve, my existence is a failure

I'm only the guy that started the world's biggest online retailer
iPods, ipads, iPhones,
You're takin' everyone else's ideas and you're callin 'them your own!

JOBS:
History don't give a f*ck who ripped it or stole it
They write about the Mac Daddy who got up on the stage and sold it

I've sold a fair share of iStuff in my time
Now get your nerdy $$# down to the back of the line!
BEZOS: Dude!

JOBS:
Oh- one last thing before the song is done
I'm-a teabag Bill Gates again just for fun!

CHORUS (x2)
You just bought our gadgets- buy some more
You're already hangin' out at the store

Pull out your quarters, nickels, and dimes
And get your gadget-lovin' $$# to the back of the line
COOK: Yo! Yo! Yo! How do you like them raps?

JOBS: Tim, go fix apple maps.