You're helpless and hopeless
You want to help out the homeless
But you've got problems

You're selfish and worthless
And you have no $#&@ing purpose
You're a cancer causing, cancer having slob

Whoa, Who-oa, Whoa

There are morals that conflict with orals

That conflict with annals, that believe in angels
Angels are hating on you
Good is the absence of evil

And evil is the absence of good
There is an axis of evil rolling into this neighborhood
With the sound of gun shots

Bang! Bang! Bang!
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa


It was then that I found I am vampire
I have fangs $#&@ing 15 inches long
And the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someones blood

Feels so good I am compelled to sing this song
At night when I retire to my coffin, to sleep for a hundred years or more
All you people that I know will have died long ago

and your children will have died 10 years before
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa