Life is a dish, best served hot,
And a dish is a book with a menacing plot,
And a plot is a song, dipped in sauce,

That was simmered in a pan with a demi-glaze,
I'm just a kid, in a candy shop,
Of culinary dreams that can't be stopped,

On a search for the perfect ingredients,
To post on my social medias.


You are pathetic, we're not photogenic
Hurry it up we're getting cold,
Come down here and taste us, don't humiliate us,

No one gives a damn bout what you post

Artisan bread, dipped in artisan cheese,

dipped in artisan nuts, dipped in artisan greens,
Artisan heirloom radicchio,
This carpaccio's f-ing ridiculo,

A little foie gras and tuna tartare
Black truffle butter chickweed, ha ha ha!
I'm just a guy with a camera,

In your feed with foods as my canvassa,
Lobster bisque buttered lightly
See you in the bowl and need you inside me

I love soup - don't call me a !#@$
I'm more like culinary paparazzi
Or gastronomic Annie Leibowitz

Can't see the food, could you move your tits?
It's unthinkable to dine out and not record it
Want the world to know I can f*cking afford it


Don't take my picture, don't put me on twitter
Just get it over with and eat

You could not be dumber, get off of Tumblr
I'm more than just a piece of meat


I want lucious cupcakes but can't do gluten
Broke out in hives from a mere fig newton
A sick addiction to Ramsey's kitchen

I can't stop lickin my television
One day the phone rang, was truly blessed
I won a contest to be on Runway Chef

A show about a model who also makes food
Seemed appropriate, I be in the nude,
She was stuffing and tossing and dripping sauce

I was shooting and looting and gitting lost
In the moment of foregone purity
Got escorted out by security

Walked down the stairs, then out of nowhere
Came a big pretentious grizzly bear
He snapped a pic and then dined on me

Oh what a tale of irony

Don't take my photo, you brown furry $$^^*&

The pain in my heart is very real
I need a martini, I feel like sashimi
You gave me the raw end of the deal