CHORUS: I'm hooking up with Hercules

This week had the sexiest weather you'll ever see

There's a big, manly storm they named Hercules

He's powerful. He's famous. He made Twitter trend

And so I made this storm my boyfriend

CHORUS


He's crossed the country. Really knows how to move
Plus he's white so my racist grandma approves


I was gonna jog but he said, "You don't need to work out
Well, you can't. Just stay in let's get drunk on your couch."


He's made me his damsel in distress
And they say he's got up to 13 inches


CHORUS


He affects me... and 100 millions others?
Herc, are you cheating on me? You were on my mother?!


You've been really cold and I feel kind of trapped
Nothing left on my DVR. And I took dozens of naps


The evening news said you've killed. It's a national issue
Please let me leave. I'm bored and out of toilet tissue


CHORUS: I'm hooking up and trapped in a cold relationship with... I'm hooking up with Hercules