He's a serious Mister
shake his hand and he'll twist your arm
with monopoly money

we'll be buying the funny farm
So I'll do flips,
and get paid in chips

from a diamond as big as the Ritz--
then I'm calling it quits


Eyes the color of candy
lies to cover the handicap
though your slippers are ruby

you'll be led to the booby trap
And there's no prize,
just a smaller size

so I'm wearing the shoe til it fits--
then I'm calling it quits


Now he's numbering himself among the masterminds
cause he's hit upon the leverage of valentines
lifting dialogue from Judy Garland storylines

where get-tough girls turn into goldmines

But oh, those polaroid babies

taking chances with rabies
happy to tear me to bits--
well, I'm calling it quits

Yes, I'm calling it quits.