In every town he visits
He thinks that he's the best

New York, London, Chicago
I've forgotten all the rest
Who am I talking about?

With blue eyes cold and wet
The darling of big business
The darling of the blue-rinse set


Johnny Fontaine would hate this song
Even after all the trash he's done

He swears on the show-biz bible
He makes all his money suing for libel


Performs at the Whitehouse
Is up for president
He mixes with upper-class people

And even with those who're bent
Now this man's appeared in
The worst films ever made

Even the worst b-movies
Put his ones in the shade