But after a while I caught on
I mean, I saw what they were hiring
I also swiped my dance card once

After an audition

And on a scale of one to ten

They gave me
For dance, ten, for looks, three
Why?


Dance, ten, looks, three
And I'm still on unemployment

Dancing for my own enjoyment
That ain't it, kid, That ain't it, kid


Dance, ten, looks, three
Is like to die
Left the theater

And called the doctor
For my appointment to buy


Tits and $$#
Bought myself a fancy pair
Tightened up the derriere

Did the nose with it
All that goes with it


Tits and $$#
Had the bingo-bongos done
Suddenly I'm getting national tours

Tits and $$# won't get you jobs
Unless they're yours


Didn't cost a fortune neither
Didn't hurt my sex life either


Flat and sassy
I would get the strays and losers
Beggars really can't be choosers

That ain't it, kid, that ain't it, kid

Fix the chassis,"How do you do"

Life turned into an endless medley
Of, "Gee, it had to be you"
Why?


Tits and $$#
Where the cupboard once was bare

Now you knock and someone's there
You have got 'em, hey, top to bottom, hey


It's a gas
Just a dash of silicone
Shake your new maracas and your fine

Tits and $$# can change your life
They sure changed mine


You're all looking at my tits now, aren't you?
They aren't that big
I heard that, you (*##$, I didn't want 'em like yours

I wanted them in proportion

Well, you got what you paid for

I wouldn't mind having just one of yours
Well go out and buy 'em


Have it all done
Honey, take my word
Grab a cab, c'mon

See the wizard on
Park and 73 for


Tits and $$#
Orchestra and balcony
What they want is what cha see

Keep the best of you
Do all the rest of you

Pits or class
I have never seen it fail

Debutante or chorus girl or wife

Tits and $$#
Yes, tits and $$#
Have changed my life