MARK
Now and then we like to play one guitar together
And that's convenient since we only have the one

Tony sold our other instruments
To pay some gangsters but he's still in debt
And if they catch him he will surely be dismembered

Tony is addicted to wide array of narcotics
He claims they help him write but we're a cover band
I'm not sure why we keep him in the band

Maybe it's because he drives the van
The rest of us can only drive an automatic
TODD

This used to just be my guitar
Now Dave is banging on it like he's $#&@ing Tito Puente
We look sad because we're starved

Tonight for dinner we're splitting a candy bar
We are the poorest band in the world
We have to act like we are camping, but we're really homeless

I don't even own this voice We had to borrow it from Peter Gabriel
Don't you know you gotta shock the monkey
MARK

Climbing up on Salsbury Hill
TODD
Sledge hammer

DOUG
OOMPA LOOMPA DOPATY DO
My feet are cold cus Tony sold my shoes

STASIA
I don't think that we should blame our problems all on Tony
Tony not the only dead beat in this band

I don't want to name any names
But Derek, Timothy, and Dave
Each have fooled around with me

I threw up this morning and I'm gonna have a band baby
TODD
You could've mentioned that before

How can we afford to put a kid through kindergarten.
MARK
Hey guys where did Tony go

You all know that Tony can't be left alone
TODD
Now he's got the camera

and If he sells it then we'll officially have nothing
Theres nothing Tony can't destroy
But none of us knows do the plinky noise

EVERYONE
The clinky noise
TODD

We need Tony
EVERYONE
To do the clinky noise

TODD
Somebody get Tony
EVERYONE

He does the clinky noise
TODD
And send us some money

EVERYONE
For the clinky noise
STASIA

My stomach feels funny