It's been one week since we got to see
Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry

Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the !@#%, and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale

About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer


Holy cow, d'you see it last week?
Well, they had this one freak

Who sucker-punched his whole family
Do you recall when the brawl
Became a total free-for-all

And Jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee
Hey, see the stripper with the implants
She likes to lap dance

And date the boyfriend of her mother
Now here come's Jerry's next guest
And it's a slugfest

'Cause it's her trailer trash brother
Nymphomaniac is back on crack
It's like "When Animals Attack"

They all exhibit reprehensible behavior
Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes
Step on their toes, that's how it goes

They get so violent they have to sign a waiver

They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame

On the air? They don't care, they've got no shame
There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange
When he found out that his wife had a sex change

They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly
They have a history of ripping off their shirts


It's been one week since they had the fight
With the Siamese twins and the transvestite
Five days since that awful brawl

They still haven't got the blood off the wall
It's been three days since the bitter fued
Between the KKK and that gay Jewish black dude

Yesterday, finally dawned on me
I'm spendin' way too much time on that Jerry Springer


[Guy Guest :] Baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister
[Gal Guest :] Oh? Well, which one?
[Guy Guest :] All of them

[Gal Guest :] Oh! Well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend Jake!
[Guy Guest :] Yah? Well, well me too!
[Gal Guest :] Oh!

[Guy Guest :] And I've sleepin' with your dog Woofie!
(barking)
[Gal Guest :] Woofie, you b-tch!

[Gal Guest :] Well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!
(baaahhing)
[Guy Guest :] That goat doesn't love you!


Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'
Your brain shuts down, then your IQ's droppin'

Jerry's the king of confrontation
He's a sensation
He puts the 'sin' in syndication

It's totally worthless, like a bad check
It's like a train wreck
Don't wanna stare but you can't look away

Like Sally Jesse he does talk shows
But with more weirdos
The ratings jumpin' higher everyday

If you've seen the show, well then you know
It's just as low as you can go
The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene

And pretty soon some ugly goon
Comes in the room and then it's BOOM
In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen


Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities
Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies
"Jerry! Jerry!" Now the crowd starts their favorite chant
Should I turn off my TV? I just can't

I have a tendency to watch it religiously
I have a history of taping each one

It's been one week since the show about
Psycho killers with problems they should work out

Five days since the big surprise
When some loser's wife said she's shtill dating twenty guys
Three days wince he interviewed
A bunch of psychic !@$^ star midgets who were all nude
Yesterday, it occurred to me

That I've been watchin' a bit too much Jerry Springer
Tired of wastin' my time on that Jerry Springer
I've got way too much class to watch Jerry Springer
Come over here and pull on my finger



[Thanks to [email protected] for correcting these lyrics]